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Awareness …Part 1

 

Awareness1
What is going on here? Why is this happening to me?

The world is fast when it comes to labeling  you as a victim when something bad happens to you. This is no different from what happens with those who have experienced a bad childhood.

So many people blame their parents for the disappointments and failures of their adult life! However, these same individuals have absolutely no awareness that in reality, their past is invading their present and destroying their future. It is not their parents fault what is happening today in the present, it is their own fault allowing the past to invade and affect their present.

Failure to connect the past with its impact on your negative and unproductive current thoughts and behaviors, results in repeating and expanding the cycle of pain. In an attempt to fix your past and alleviate the hurt and longing, you keep repeating the same bad habits over and over again, to no avail. Then you get frustrated and decide that life does not matter, so, why would you keep trying, right?

Life can seem too vast, and it may seem that one single person has no  chance of making a lasting impact on the world. We think that way and therefore, we accept defeat even before facing the challenge. We fill our days with activities which we tell ourselves that are valuable. We seek comfort in the trinkets and trappings of modern life, picking up things and accumulating a mountain of useless stuff. Stuff that we like to believe that define us and stuff for which we fiercely compete against each other to accumulate.

I remember being in that exact position. I felt ashamed. I felt dirty. I felt damaged. I felt overwhelmed. I felt that God did not want anything to do with me. I felt lonely. I felt used. I did not feel safe. I did not feel loved. The thought that permeated my mind was that I did not deserve to live. How could I ever look at people into their eyes?

All of a sudden, every person I came in  contact with knew that I had done something bad, something terrible, and I felt very embarrassed because of that. I secluded myself as much as possible to avoid this sad experience. I kept thinking the same thoughts and doing the same actions, not believing that I could have made the required choices to change my life and stand up to those negative thoughts at that precise moment…

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